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kusakaice

realize the ''game&#03
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Written on:8/4/2019~19:40

April 25 2017, was the last day I had written any journal. But in all honesty it feels like I haven't written anything for more then 5 years today is 8/4/2019. Life has changed so fast over the past few months, it used to be years where i realized how things changed but now its all in a matter of weeks, and days hours for some things if I may say, But this is only just the beginning of a new chapter or what I would call it " a new save file in life" 
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Many events or "arch's" or in this case since I'm the writer I'd say chapters has gone by. I remember most of the story like it was just yesterday. anyways, I will now continue on with the little teemos story~

Years have passed, since the beginning of the little journey for the teemo, she used to wonder aimlessly till she found a partner this was 3 to 4 years ago before the the present where she dwells in now. Upon finding her partner which she fell in love with, her partner felt the same but difference was he was extremely insecure and was riddled with mental issues, including depression and anxiety. Nonetheless, the teemo loved him for who he was and tried to compromise as much as she could but sadly in the process, lost her best teammates and family as you may call it not just one but many. Filled with despair and regret the teemo was then confused on why she had loved him the the first place. But at last after years had gone by she realized that being with him was not the best choice she could have made and thins could have be better deep down she knew she loved him but due to the chains he put on her, she knew she had to do something about it if not now, then later.Regardless of how much she loved him she knew deep down those chains had slowly started to overwhelm her creeping into her subconscious mind so she had too put an end. But this, was not the defining factor that ignited the flame of rage inside her. 

It wasnt just large amounts of stress from her own personal life for the poor teemo which started to make her realize how she needed to rid of her partner but it was also something that he had done. Among the many issues she had, she had to face homelessness for the first time in her life with no gold to support her she had to borrow from friends, and family and others that could help her. she slept on the streets and friends homes when she could for one month the reality of how harsh the world was to her had hit her hard it was an instant transition between having a place to live with a decent home to nothing at all. Abandoned by family not just once, she realized she had to make it out on her own otherwise she'd be dead she'd have to  she fended for herself there was no more going back there was nothing to go back too.

Reality had pushed her into changing the warm soft teemo she was, into a tougher and meaner teemo who'd have no choice but to deal with whatever choice she made regardless if it was a place to live or food she had chosen .But course that was only the beginning she was only able to slowly revert into someone who could take control after months of  depression and  anxiety along with panic attacks. There was only two friends that had saw her pain and could fully understand her and therefore didn't leave her but the poor teemo had no gold to seek for treatment either so she had to do it the hard way with shear willpower. That in return took a tool on the teemos mentality and mindset having to minimize and simplify everything even more it was no longer about what she would do 10 days from now , it was the mindset of what she would eat, and where she would sleep for that night and the night after.  As for her partner though, his selfish ways had finally took over every last ounce of love and whatever type of warm fuzzy feelings she had for him. That was how she had decided to take the step to separate from her partner. Now the teemo herself did feel a bit guilty at first for her friends since she had left them for her partner but she slowly came to realize that events which happened have already happened. Redemption only works in some scenarios but in this case, for her there was no going back so now at present our little teemo has turned over a new leaf, a new beginning of another great journey. Even till today she still regrets the pain she has caused her friends the ones she called family previously. But all in all, the teemo did have a few other friends who had helped her out more then once and they had stayed by her side knowing the pain she had felt and treats them like family above everything else. The teemos next goal now? would be self care and love for the ones she calls family and get better and even more stronger then she ever was before. 

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Now if I had to describe this teemo, I would say shes like a phoenix that wont ever die fully, she'll come back stronger every time she comes back to life now that, I admire that undying willpower to have a reason to always come back. 

Now thats its for now~ the teemos story ends there 
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Its been so long since i had updagted anything here on DA. but today, I'm going to continue that short story i had years ago, about the lil teemo.

Years went by, and things have changed, people have changed in the blink of an eye right past her eyes. She came to epiphany, as the loss of some of the ones she called family, the ones she dearly loved were gone because of her own mistake. This lil teemo struggled hard throughout the year as the solid reason that ignited the entire downfall was because of an action she had taken. She risked the ones she loved, knowing well that there could be a chance where things would go wrong and she may lose everything. But she continued on, doing so because she loved the ones who she kept dear. The risks were high, but her nativity and blind optimism got to her more than her own rational thoughts. Placing them on the line, things eventually crashed and burned. Leaving ashes and the reminiscent of only memories and the aftermath of what she saw as her own doing.

 

Fragmented, and shattered this lil teemo still tried to move on and tried her best knowing fully well after learning about that event that people around her, regardless of what statues would come and go . However this time, she learnt that people that saw her dearly, would be the ones that would never leave. unless the lil fuzz herself would screw up and therefore causing them to leave. This is one thing, the lil teemo didn’t realize even though she treasured her friends dearly and the ones she called family in her entire life of ever knowing the ones she loved most. She saw them as family but in the end, didn’t treat them like her own, like they did for her.

A month later, exactly 31 days after the entire event of burnning terror had occured, the hole the ones she loved were gone for,felt more then a month but years.Regalessly speaking, in the end, the lil teemo now struggles to gain back what is hers and where she belongs. 

Aaaaaand thats the end for now xD 

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With college ending, the bridge that connects both dreams and realities is now more clear. It wasn't just epiphany that taught me, but more like the lessons that i have been taught by many. May they be teachers, my close friends or even the ones i call family, i great full for their overall advice and what not through the year. Just like the previous DA Journal Entry i have done, it was written in the end of high school and the start of college. I would honestly say that i didnt ever think i'd met such trustworthy type of people either and nor did i believe in fate. However in the process of change, i wasn't expecting to see the side effects of change first handily. 

I Had lost some of the ones i had loved, but in the end we are all back together, however sadly the cracks i have etched will still be seen in the reflection upon me when i look into the poor mirrors upon them. Mistakes they are, and lessons that will be learnt, changes that are made, as perspective can always change. Scattered glass, the cracks will always be seen but in the end they are memories which are treasure able will always be worth if looked at through a blissful light of hope and reality. I haven't written a poem/ lyrics in a long time now since half a year ago. Back then i felt the need to help others a strong need to help them rather then myself. To put them i my top priority first this was one of m mistakes, having learnt the hard way, now i know rationality isn't necessarily the key, but balance is what is needed. 
 
A man of few words once told me, you don't think on the inside of the box, this we all know, however as the saying goes we should ' think on the outside of the box' but , here's the real deal. its not about thinking on the inside or the outside, its thinking on the edge of the box. To see light and darkness, to see different perspectives on both ends is what may drive us to success..... Of course this doesn't work for all of us xD 
Honestly speaking without meeting the ones i call family, i wouldn't be who i am today so i thank them once again

 Heres a lil something before i leave ^ its a lil repetitive but its kinda a sum up :3

A new chapter is about to unfold
and many stories to be told,
we'll never be too old

To dwell in this forsaken
bloody, and dreaded sanctuary,
as it now stays contemporary

Contemplation is reality,
driving me into insanity
harsh it may be now
wondrous its a how

Tunnel, dreams
hallways of doom
whatever you may call it,
The candles is now lit, 
in your lil dark pit

The skies are blue, 
Suns out stay true,
or nothing'll be left
with no clue
In the end, its just you

Alright,let the fun begin ladies and gents :3
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    College has started, and I've never thought I'd feel this must trust and affection from being with friends that I became really close with in such a short period of time. Theoretically, its impossible and logically it shouldn't even work out. However, somehow the boundaries of friendship and brotherhood seemed to have been broken by fate allowing me to dwell between the boundaries of being someone who's new in their lives, yet seem as if I have knew them for a long period of time . I'd admit its one of the mysteries in life I have never experienced before I always herd of fate from friends and family members but lil did I know, it actually did just happen to myself. I never did think it was possible till I actually experienced it first hand.

I question a lot of things in life, I'd even go to the point of rethinking and reformatting what I really want to be in the future there are so many possibilities, its not easy to  choose but I know for one thing, time is of the essence and I need to make a decision asap . Meeting one of the most inspirational peeps I have ever been close friends with is truly something. Get a first hand in depth explanation on how life is for someone that is inspirational is both a ride of  emotions and a ride like no other there has been so  many things in life we would never expect, but overall the moral was to never give up, you succeed in the  end no matter what it takes with enough motivation and inspirational people around you.

On the other hand, theonlyawina.deviantart.com/  another friend I met, her art is one of the best I have seen out there, she's both my senpai and friend one of the 1st friends I have been able to break le boundaries with in less then 1 month its as if I found my long lost sister. Her level of insight on life is on pair with other friends I have had but the chapters I have been told, are one of the most interesting ones I have herd yet. She is living proof that our past is what makes us who we are today, every single thing matters and may or may not make a big change in the you who you are today. Its not noticeable but every single step, every change , every action its what makes us who we are the very next day. I still question some things though, but some questions can  never be answered because there is no exact answer, some things just don't make sense there are things that don't need to make sense, this she and another helped me realize.

Overall, I'd admit I'm still so naïve about the world around me and as this new chapter is about to unfold, as I write more about it everyday I dread the day its completed and ready to be red by another and be criticized how much crap its full of xD but that's just life isn't it ?
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    Hello there ladies and gents, it has been a nostalgic day, spent time with my former classmates which I have known for 6 years, discussed about life and our future plans. Reminiscent of the past, this was one of the days which I never would even think of back then. A new page starts tomorrow for me and before that happens, I'd like to thank all my close friends which belong in my book. Bellow are their DA names and a lil description about them. (they are not in any specific order and I do not rank them mind me if I missed  anyone out theres just so many xD )
I'm going to update the lil Teemo's life as well as I have chapter two now :)

My 6 year long ass NIQA which I have known.
boredom4eva.deviantart.com/
Alright for a fun fact, her drawings are phenomenal and one of the first reasons why I decided to draw humans, inspirational and motivationl, you my niqa are one of the reasons why I decided to go ham and cheese on drawings in the past and go to page one with you every single day after school back then in form 2. One of the most laziest, derpy and sloppy ass niqas I have seen, yet one of the best niqas I have met. I'm glad I met you mah brotha oh and if you ever have a child and lose him/her remember to imform me 1st before you tell momo and lui lui cuz ik le rage from dem is guna be smexy as fak.

Le MOMO, the first person I played with at the orientation camp.
whatdoyouwantfood.deviantart.c…
Must have been some coincidence I bet xD back then I would troll you so hard on FB and then ask you random poop like I was some alien lmao. I was literally shy as hell and I didn't know what to say when I saw you for the 1st time and I was asked to play the Chinese chess game with you. I'm going to have to thank that LAMBO pic you drew xD it gave a lil spark to our friendship I'm going to have to say. I remember those old times when you'd reply to me " I mind" when I asked " do you mind if I come with you" back in form 1. It was so troll lmao I thought you literally knew what it meant xD. On the other hand though, I'm happy to have met you MOMO you were my source of refuge, that one person who was always like ' idk' whatever I asked. You just went with the flow and that I like about you my chill ass buddieeee

LUI LUI that one person whos a good wake up call
link-MIA
Alright your that one person I have seen draw but eh.... you don't really post it up so (+you have no DA acc).. xD either way though, My 6 year long niqa as well, I'm glad to have met you bro you give good ideas even till this day. The four of us strive for motivation and are inspired by our surrounding and you were that one person outa the four of us that was always outa the comfort zone, you liked to try new things and that I like about you. you take high risks and get high rewards. My good old seatmate and locker mate I'm going to have to admit being your seatmate was so fun since I got the chance to troll you all day. and I was inspired about your passion for always stepping out of the comfort zone and that, I praise you.

Le TROLLING ASS IMA TROLL SOME-MORE-AT-NIGHT HAIII :DD- niqa
m4dh4ttey266.deviantart.com/
EYYYY my brotha I remember the good old days when I'd go to your class during lunch time and troll you so hard and bend spoons for the lolz and just derp around for 40 mins while eating. THAT I would have to admit was the peak of our friendship I believe I just loved to troll you, your reaction was always priceless every time I saw you in the morning while you were on your way to school and I'd  jump you and be like HAI THERE with a trolling face and you'd be like HOLY >A< that was just so funny xD but you my friend  have a very unique and cartoony art style and you add in a spice of salt and sugar into your drawings emphasizing the depth of their backgrounds within their personality and their appearance . You helped me out a lot with drawings at school when marie was AFK n MIA and I'm glad to have you bro. You were that bro I would talk to about anything during our free lessons and it always gave me insight on. Your feedback was genuinely on point and I'm aware sometimes my rationality kills our friendship but regardless, I'm very happy to have you and met you and bro, although I don't talk to you much anymore I hope your having a wonderful time as I have completed my mission THAT I FEEL VERY HELPFULL FOR HUE HUE ( you know what im talking about :3)I hope we can still be close ass bros bro and even if I do leave hk one day dw I'LL BE THERE I'LL NEVER LEAVE... your book of friends.

Gibs gibs gibs the purrrrfesional artist at your own furries
sugarrusheyes.deviantart.com/
Alright I'm going to have to say, your a great seatmate, group mate and ofc friend , yeah you can surely be dense as hell sometimes but that's just you, its your unique style just like you have on your drawings I'm going to have to thank you for your drawings as I have used some of them as reference in the past to practice on drawing ' curves'. As a group mate you were one of the most responsible teammates I have every seen and I'm glad to have had you as one in the past. As a friend yup ik I annoy the living shit outa you xD but regardless I'm going to have to thank you for all the times you have helped me scan my drawings and playing MH4 with you and abi was just priceless, same goes for league as well with you , enja and the rest back in the past. I bid you GLHF in your WIP in life.

Alright that's all im gong to say for ofc there are a few more friends that are in the book of friends but I'll write about them later on~
In le meantime enjoy " Teemos adventure, Chapter two "

Staring at the wall of text the lil Teemo sought for a solution to help its friend. Its friend had been in a relationship issue with someone that she fell for. Having knowledge of the situation the lil Teemo spoke to its friend asking how her side of the things were like. She told the lil Teemo how she fell for him and then lost the feels the lil Teemo went days on end trying to decipher and define the reason to why she had lost the feels, the lil Teemo sought help from its peers and had only come to one conclusion. As bad as things were for her friend the lil Teemo knew it would be rational, very cold and harsh to say but what was needed to be said, was said. The Lil Teemos friend knew that her lover would be agonizing and remorseful of the situation and to make matters worse, the lil Teemos friend had lost the feels for him long ago and wanted to keep him as a friend, a close BFF and not let them go since she didn't want to hurt him anymore then he already was because of his past.

Reality was harsh for the lil teemos friend as she had only a few choices in life she had to make the best out of it there was no specific alternative that she could have done. For her, she was one of the best friends that she could have had .Either party would be hurt, the lil teemos friend knew this and warned her about it multiple times. Her heart was crumbling with pain as anything she  said  would crush him, she needed to set the line between them before things went out of hand even more, and we all know the more you prolong something the worse it becomes it grows and becomes worse.

The lil Teemo just looked at awe and now had more pages to add into its "Book of human emotions" and now focuses on its next battle on the rift.
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(alright this chapter is a bit short but things should be better and more long in chapter 3~ )
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